Bear with me

I dont even know how to start this. I've been away too long and had so much stuff happen. I thought that maybe these events had changed me, but they really haven't. I still can't stick to a damn program, and can't stop shoving chocolate down my throat. The minute that I start stressing about my shape I blow up like a balloon.

What worked for me previously was training for strength and caring only about lifting heavy shit. What also worked was being vegan and training for marathons. How does one find a happy medium? Something has got to change though, my workouts have gotten boring and shitty and my meal planning is mediocre at best. I have wonderful people helping me with eating plans, but I cant follow something that makes me super lean really fast, because what happens when that's over? Im looking for longevity.

People try to help you out by telling you that their way works, and I understand that they may truly believe it because it has worked for them, but it doesn't work for everyone. CrossFit worked for me pretty well and it was super fun, but the programming was garbage. Need I really say anything about marathon training? Who the $@*& wants to do that? Not me.

So please, bear with me as I figure my shit out.